I agree with Liz.
You've probably done a fine job of teaching them right vs. wrong and why they should choose the right. But placed in a peer situation, especially at church, is a tough place to be.
Is this the first time they've been faced with this type of situation?
Did they know prior to going to the church what the movie was?
If it were me, I'd talk to my kids and let them know I expected better of them and am disappointed that they didn't call. I'd ask them what they were feeling. If they felt it was wrong, I'd ask why they didn't act on those feelings.
I'd also talk about how they should handle something like this in the future, giving them several different scenarios and ways to handle it.
I'd probably ask a lot of questions next time they called and asked to do something; who will be there, what will you be doing, what movie will be showing type of thing.
I'd also encourage you to be careful of their feelings while doing all of this talking. You want them to feel comfortable to be able to come and talk to you, even when they know they've disappointed you. So along with letting them know I'm disappointed, I'd be assuring them how much I love them, how I'm not angry and how this one situation won't make me feel like I can't trust them. Keeping the lines of communication open is a tricky tight rope sometimes during the mid to late teen years.
You can do absolutely everything right and have your kids make stupid decisions. That doesn't mean you didn't parent well or teach them well or do your best. You're a good mama no matter what their choices are.
Originally Posted by buttrfli
Wow. Yeah that is really disappointing. I think your kids were in a tough spot. On the one hand they were at church so they figured it was ok. On the other their consciouses prob told them something different but the peer pressure was there as well. That is quite a fight against the flesh for a young man. I think I would also make it a teachable moment. Take some time and do some bible study with them. I recently was studying Rom 7&8 which talks about the battle btw flesh and spirit and how we live by the spirit. Also Galations is a great book about living by the spirit.
I wouldn't punish them per se but I think you are right to be more cautious of letting them be at church w/o you. Could you or DH volunteer with the youth? Sounds like they need some mature leaders. If that's not possible I would still try to be involved while they are there.