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Old 04-01-2009, 11:40 AM
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MommyofTwo84 MommyofTwo84 is offline
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Question Is your family and extended family close??

Every couple years someone in my extended family tries to have a family get together for a weekend. (I've not gone is 7 years roughly) The problem is that my "Family" can not be in the same room, all together for more than 1 day without fights breaking out. Seriously?!! What is the point in these get togethers?!! Everyone is nice to your face but once we all go home everyone talks about everyone behind their backs .. its not a fun experience. Hence why I try to avoid too much contact with extended family. Sad isn't it??

I guess I'm just wondering is my family is as messed up as I think .. or maybe a little normal?!?
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Old 04-01-2009, 12:21 PM
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I always thought we were a close family, but lately I've discovered that we are as dysfunctional as they come!! There was some stuff that happened a couple years ago that has pretty much ruined the trust I have for my family. I've been learning to deal with it, but I think the damage has been done.

On my DH's side, it's really confusing....he was adopted and his siblings don't have much to do with him at all now that his parents have passed away. He has somewhat of a relationship with his biological mom now, but that is strange for him. He also has a cousin and an uncle he talks to every now and then (biological).

So, sad to say, but when it comes to family things, it's usually just us (myself, DH and our kids).

So, I'm not sure if your situation (and mine) is "normal" or not, but I know how you feel.
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Old 04-01-2009, 12:43 PM
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Well, my side of the family has never lived real close to each other so having get togethers are kind of tough. My parents and brother's family and us get together usually once a month, but more extended than that usually ends up in just "talk".

My DH's family has a family reunion every year for his dad's side. That is usually a fun experience, although now that the people I talked with the most are no longer part of the family (because of divorce) and things being rough with DH's sister, it isn't so fun for me anymore. His mom's side of the family just started doing reunions again. Every so often just his mom (and her family) and her sisters' families would get together, but now we have a whole family reunion every other year and then on the "off" year, it is just the "sisters" and their families.

I guess the way I see it is that we can put up with each other for a few hours even if we don't get along otherwise. I think having problems with family is only normal. God made us all different so the chances of a number of people all getting along are slim. So, in my opinion, your families are "normal"!
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Old 04-01-2009, 01:10 PM
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We live in Ohio. My brother and his family live in Florida. My DH's brother and his family live in Virginia. So, when we get together with family, it is usually just us, my parents and my in-laws. Every now and then DH's aunts and unlce on his mom's side visit. We rarely ever see my brother, and seeing my brother in-law is sporadic.
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Old 04-01-2009, 02:58 PM
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my guess is that it's pretty normal steff. discouraging, but normal.

my family and extended family really don't get together much. it's either all my side and us, or all his side and us.
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Old 04-01-2009, 05:44 PM
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Well .. as down as this may sound .. I'm glad its normal!!!
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All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you. --Song of Songs 4:7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God.
--Phillipians 4:6


"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her."
Max Lucado


"I've read the last page of the Bible. It's all going to turn out all right."
--Billy Graham
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Old 02-02-2010, 10:21 AM
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We are not close with either my hubbies side or my side.

It is pretty much us.....we moved 1/2 way across the states and have no relatives that live close by. Actually being away from them showed me how un-healthy the relationships are.

I sometimes feel guilty because, I do not keep up good communication with them, when we do talk it is nice an respectful, but nothing deep as far as good healthy relationships.

It gets lonely sometimes....especially times when I need someone, or my kids not having closeness with cousins or aunts uncles grandparents.
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Old 02-02-2010, 10:41 AM
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Default Thoughts on families: extended and spiritual

We moved 10 years ago across the country so we usually see parts of the extended family once a year. Since having our own family, it has been difficult not having family closer for social support. At the same time, it has allowed us to build our family values with more freedom, since the rest of the family on both sides are non-believers.

I've come to a place where I can appreciate my extended family for who they are (the distance has really helped me to do that). I am thankful that I like my mother-in-law and I think she likes me! I've learned practical things from my sister-in-laws. The extended family members are not emotionally close, which has been a result of our parents' culture and traditions.

Seeing each other once a year means everyone is pretty much on good behaviour to make the most out of our visit. We don't participate in gossip or openly criticize each other. Whether we're on the receiving end.... I don't know about it, and perhaps that's bliss!

What's been important is finding other like-minded couples and families where we live and creating a spiritual family. This has not been easy as people come and go, and people have different needs and expectations. But I think this is one gift God has given us through the wider church community (not just a local church community). Like this forum... we can offer each other the support, prayer, and fellowship, that we need from family, but may not be able to obtain.

Thanks everyone!
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Old 02-02-2010, 10:48 AM
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I am not close to anyone on my side. On my husbands side, its respectful, superficial, we have the usual "get togethers" for birthdays, holidays etc but we don't talk about anything other than the days events, the weather, nothing stuff is how I see it.

Me going through this rough time with my parents, how I would love to talk with my in-laws about it ... but they ALWAYS change the subject when the conversation goes deeper than they are comfortable with.
So yes, we have peace on my husbands side of the family but not really a relationship. They are Christians. More Martha than Mary. They are wonderful people, always serving and ready to give a "hand" but we don't have a close, personal relationship where you can share your heart.
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Old 02-17-2010, 03:34 PM
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We are not close to my dh side of the family at all and he and I like it like that. They are really nothing but trouble. Well I take that back his 2 uncles and their wives and kids are not but, everyone else pretty much is. Plus they did not thing to help him when he needed it they practice witchcraft and they do other things we do not want our children around.

My hubby is very close to myside of the family. They for the most part are all believers and they have a good time and take care of each other.

My mom and I however, have a better relationship when we are not in the same space. Why is that I am not sure. She is a believer but, I will leave it at that.
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