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Old 10-17-2017, 04:07 PM
LVG LVG is offline
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Default An Older Friend and Social Issues

My DD is 6. We just moved to a new community. DD has made friends with another girl that is 11. She is socially not an 11 year old, and isn't as mature as a typical 11 year old. Her mom says she has some autistic tendencies, but I've been in that field for 9 years and don't really see that at all. The main issue I am having is that she only wants to play with my DD, but does not want to include others like my DS, or other neighborhood friends we may be playing with at the same time. For example: today DD brought her babies outside to play with her 3.5 year old neighbor. Next thing I knew DD and 11 year old were off playing. I later asked DD why she didn't keep playing babies with 3.5 year old, and she said 11 year old would "be mad or wouldn't let her". This also happens daily with DS, and her continuously excluding him. DD will tell me later after 11 year old leaves that not playing with DS made her sad, and things like that. She does very manipulative things too, for example, she pushed my DS's toy off the table on purpose, but claimed it was an accident. Both DD and DS say it was not an accident at all. She also will sneak off and give DD gum, but not give DS any. As each incident occurs I talk to my DD about why it was wrong and what to say next time. The issue is that my DD is a people pleaser, and I know she won't stand up to the 11 year old and tell her what she feels. I will also add that 11 year old is an only child, and her mom says one of her social issues is playing with more than one person at a time. I have told her mom this, but I'm not really sure what she can do about it when she's not here to see it. How should I handle this? I am trying to limit her time here, but it's still more than I would like. She's all over the neighborhood so I can't really avoid her. She's really sweet, but I can see there is a major heart issue there that she's battling. Any advice?
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Old 10-23-2017, 02:02 PM
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lastingfaith lastingfaith is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: St Albans, England
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This is a tricky one, and I have never experienced a situation like this myself. However, a few thoughts are going through my head:-

Could you set-up a play session in such a way that it requires more than two participants?

Could you talk to the girl concerned, and ask her to include other children - like appealing to her "higher instincts"?

Could you introduce your younger child to the girl, and suggest ways in which they could all pay together?

Could you arrange for your younger child to appear "desirable" as a playmate, by perhaps arranging for him to appear with drink/snacks for everyone?

Are you able to speak to the girl's mother, and explain your concerns?

I don't know if any of the above suggestions are of any use, but they are the best thoughts I can generate in my ageing brain at present!

God bless,

I'm Brian, Husband of Rita, Dad to Jonathan and Jennifer, and Granddad to Jessica and Grace.
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