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  #41  
Old 08-04-2015, 12:11 AM
Ella123 Ella123 is offline
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Sorry to revive an old post, I couldn't sleep and was perusing a bit.

This truly is a difficult situation. The sensible part of me would reason that even if I disapprove, I would rather her live with me than with end up hurt or worse. However, the sensible part of me would also make sure they did not share a room under any circumstances and that she knew that if they behaved inappropriately the boy would be kicked out.

Now, the less sensible side of me has several "creative parenting" ideas that my hubby would never let me do

1) Ally would share a room with her quite hyperactive younger brother, we'd move the boyfriend into her room, and I would see how long she could deal with it before she kicked the boyfriend out herself so she could have her room back.

2) I'd make them stop dating and start courting, because her father prefers it and she lives in her dads house. (Least outlandish)

3) The by far most outlandish thing I came up with was I recalled a memory of when Ally was eight and being an absolute terror, and her grandmother was coming to take her to see the Nutcracker (I was supposed to go, too). My darling daughter knew she could misbehave because I wasn't going to not let my mother-in-law take Ally to see the Nutcracker, that would punish her Grandmother more than it would punish her. So, I told Ally that one of us had to be punished for her sinful behavior and that I was going to stay home instead of her. She started behaving and was extremely remorseful and begged me to go with her, but I maintained that one of us had to be punished.

So again, the most outlandish "creative parenting" thing that I would never do (but kind of enjoyed toying with the idea), was let them share a room but maintain that as long as they shared a room in her father's house, her father and I would sleep in separate rooms and not do anything physically affectionate (like when hubby holds my hand when he reads, when he kisses me goodbye, etc) until they decided to either move out or start living in purity. I would probably also leave lots of Bibles open to particular pages about how sex outside of marriage can damage a relationship around the house...

Thats pretending I would be allowed to do any of these things though, if Ally ever approached my husband with the idea he would gladly help her move to her new home in a bad neighborhood and openly explain to my other kids that Ally is living in sin and we need to pray for her. So much more calm, sensible and clearly more Biblical than my ideas.

Thats why he's the head of the household though.


Per the original question, though, I would agree with your husband and explain to my son that the couple are living in sin, and that the parents are probably doing everything they can for their daughter and we just need to pray for the younger couple.
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  #42  
Old 10-14-2017, 03:39 PM
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lovingladyo lovingladyo is offline
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I can definitely see why this poses a problem - lots to think through for sure. One way you can weigh out the pros and cons is to look at this situation as an opportunity to love your friends right where they are in spite of their blind side - in hopes of buiding up trust and loyalty that will give you an "in-road" to say something should the opportunity arise. To discontinue the friendship and disconnect from them would cause you to lose any opportunity for sharing in the future.
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