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  #1  
Old 06-17-2014, 07:23 PM
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llamallamaduck llamallamaduck is offline
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Default Is having friends compatible with marriage?

I read a book for women where the author was very adamant that friendships were destructive to marriage. He said women who spend time with their girlfriends neglect their husbands and start to compare unhealthily. Do you think there is any truth to this?
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Old 06-17-2014, 10:03 PM
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No.

If friends are effecting a marriage it's a symptom, not the cause.
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Old 06-18-2014, 03:58 AM
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I would also disagree. I think that it is important for wives to have female friends and vice versa. I think the danger would be where a wife spent all their time with other people and not their spouse also when friends encouraged them to do things that were contrary to their spouses views.

I have more to say on this but need to go so I'll write another post tomorrow.
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Old 06-18-2014, 10:34 AM
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Quote:
I read a book for women where the author was very adamant that friendships were destructive to marriage. He said women who spend time with their girlfriends neglect their husbands and start to compare unhealthily. Do you think there is any truth to this?
There is a very real danger that worldly relationships can be corrosive and corrupt character. The Bible says that bad company corrupts good morals. This is seen as so many wives enter the workplace and socialize with women who are influenced by the ideas that Satan has so filled the world with.

When I was married I came to understand how much more than men women needed fellowship and friendships. We can see a template for this in Titus where older women are told to instruct younger ones. I have always encouraged my wife to seek godly friendship with other Christian women.

However, even in Christian circles there is danger of the social collective. Women tend to form and be attracted to larger social groups where the social dynamics may not be Christian or even healthy. Friendship with another Christian is different than relating to a group. Groups tend to have pecking orders and subtle political maneuvering.

I read in an old Moody Monthly magazine of a family that was new to a church. At a pot luck dinner the husband asked his wife to find out what happened to the dessert they had brought as he did not see it out with the other dishes. She went to the church kitchen and saw a woman scooping out her dish into the garbage. She was told, "Don't worry, after you have been here a while, you'll learn that we don't use Cool Whip".

You can also see group social dynamics in many Christian home school groups. A new mother comes to the group and is seen as a resource to be told what to do rather than a tender soul in need of friendship and encouragement. While everyone seems to have good motives, the Biblical relationship described in Titus seems to be missing.

In summary I would say that:

1. Women need the friendship of another woman.
2. Worldly "friendships" can be dangerous.
3. Group social functions can be dangerous and do not serve well as a substitute for one to one friendships.
4. Find an older Christian woman who clearly shows the light and love of Jesus in her life and ask to be friends with her. Or be that woman to someone else.
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Old 06-18-2014, 12:35 PM
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friendships can certainly lead to those things, but I'm not sure how often they do. Wives, especially ones that stay home, need friends, and those friends should be other women.
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Old 06-20-2014, 05:41 PM
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I think it is quite healthy for both wives and husbands to have friends of their own gender outside the marriage. I still keep in touch with some of my male friends from earlier days, and Rita also has kept up with a number of her friends from bygone years - mainly church friends whom she knew as teenagers, and with whom she used to go on holiday before we were married.

We have both also kept a number of friendships with other married couples that we know a love, and getting to know one another's friends in this way has enriched both our lives.
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Old 06-21-2014, 12:15 PM
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A Christian husband or wife's closest friends should be other Christians of the same gender.

If a close friend is a non-Christian, I can see how that could be problematic, but I've never heard of marital problems coming about because of it.
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Old 06-21-2014, 12:51 PM
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Shouldn't your closest friend be your spouse?
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Old 06-21-2014, 01:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timf View Post

However, even in Christian circles there is danger of the social collective. Women tend to form and be attracted to larger social groups where the social dynamics may not be Christian or even healthy. Friendship with another Christian is different than relating to a group. Groups tend to have pecking orders and subtle political maneuvering.

1. Women need the friendship of another woman.
2. Worldly "friendships" can be dangerous.
3. Group social functions can be dangerous and do not serve well as a substitute for one to one friendships.
4. Find an older Christian woman who clearly shows the light and love of Jesus in her life and ask to be friends with her. Or be that woman to someone else.
I think the paragraph I quoted is really untrue in general-there is nothing inheirantly prone to worldliness in groups of women-and to insinuate that about women and not to also apply it to men (which I think is equally untrue) is sexist.

The examples you pointed to indicate the hearts of those people rather than something inheirant to groups of women.
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Old 06-21-2014, 02:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by llamallamaduck View Post
Shouldn't your closest friend be your spouse?
I agree, but after your spouse. I have a few girlfriends, most are of the same faith, I hang out w/ them occasionally.
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