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  #1  
Old 01-21-2013, 12:52 PM
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Default Men... does your wife feel safe with you?

I wrote an article a while back that was a challenge for men to consider whether their wives truly feel "safe" with them. Obviously, I was advocating that wives SHOULD feel entirely safe with their husbands.

The interesting thing was that most of the feedback I got was from WIVES, who were both appreciative of the post and had other suggestions.

Wives, I'd love to hear further suggestions about how your husbands could learn to make you feel more "safe" with them. I'm considering another article (part 2) on the subject and would love to include what the LORD has shown you!

Thanks...
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Old 01-21-2013, 02:23 PM
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The timing of this post is really good actually.

I feel very, very safe with my husband. I am so, so blessed.

We approach marriage from a slightly different angle than others here, we are egalitarian, but I think the principals in your article still hit the key questions.

Recently, my dad called me and launched into a verbal attack (my dad is abusive). I instantly 3 way dialed my husband, and informed Dad that he was on the phone.

After listening to the horribly insulting, and untrue things that my dad said about me, my introverted, peace keeping husband STOOD UP FOR ME.

He told my dad that what he had said was a lie, that he nor any other person would ever be able to treat his wife that way, or treat her in such a way that would require a third party to intervene. He called my dad on his tirade, and refused to allow him to speak those lies into my soul.

He did not do it in a way that made him seem like he was over me, or my authority, and he didn't make it seem like my dad had trod on his territory, which would have made me feel good, but not to the extent of DH standing up for me as a whole, individual person who did not require the "men folk" to argue about my well being.

We have been married for nearly 5 years, and this action on his part has really gelled us together, and made us a rock solid force to help protect my sister during the family fall out.

Even my pastor noticed how well we were working as a team.

The respect and honor that he showed me for standing up and defending me against slander was out of this world impactful on me, and our marriage.

I hope one day I am able to show him honor and respect that will convince him beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am a safe person for him as well. (although DH has always honored and respected me, there was something about him breaking out of character to DEFEND me really, really spoke volumes)
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Old 01-21-2013, 02:54 PM
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some what .

My dh is not as much "head of household " and i need him to be , he can be lax in decision making and taking charge .

He always stands up for me and defends me and i so loving ....but it doesnt feel enough as i dont feel he is taking his role as the head of the home as seriouly as id like ......so i feel somewhat safe but not completely .
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Old 01-22-2013, 05:14 PM
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Great responses... it's important to consider from both sides. I'm happy to hear of the successes in this (it's encouraging) and I'm saddened by the difficulties, and will pray the LORD to bring about change, as He wills.

Husbands can really struggle with this, simply from being a guy! We aren't wired to nurture, but can and should anyway.

Thanks for the responses ladies!
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Old 01-22-2013, 05:40 PM
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I feel safe with him in almost every sense EXCEPT spiritually!

He lags in this area big time. Yes, he has come a long way but, I don't feel safe that he is able to sustain me when I am at my low. Constantly feel like here is where I have to carry him. He WAS ( calling the things that are not as thou they were) spiritually LAZY!!! I have to push him in this area.
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DD we lovingly call her Mimi - 02/01
DS1 we lovingly call him Papote- 01/06
DS 2 we lovingly call Spanky - 09/11
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Old 01-24-2013, 03:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom_of_3_blessings View Post
I feel safe with him in almost every sense EXCEPT spiritually!

He lags in this area big time. Yes, he has come a long way but, I don't feel safe that he is able to sustain me when I am at my low. Constantly feel like here is where I have to carry him. He WAS ( calling the things that are not as thou they were) spiritually LAZY!!! I have to push him in this area.
I can relate !
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Old 01-25-2013, 07:58 PM
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Phoebe and Lauren...

Are your husband's simply not interested in spiritual things, or do they feel intimidated by the idea because they don't know how to go about it?

Would either of them be interested in a "Men's weekend" thing where we did biblical training on how to be a spiritual leader in the home?

I've been contemplating that sort of event, but am not sure how much interest there would be.

Your thoughts?
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Old 01-26-2013, 06:10 AM
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My husband leans too much on his own understanding and less on the gospel .

We live in Ireland so i dont know of any men's weekends here with Christian churches and i seriousl doubt my dh would go .

But it is a lovely idea
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Old 01-28-2013, 11:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CareyGreen View Post
Phoebe and Lauren...

Are your husband's simply not interested in spiritual things, or do they feel intimidated by the idea because they don't know how to go about it?

Would either of them be interested in a "Men's weekend" thing where we did biblical training on how to be a spiritual leader in the home?

I've been contemplating that sort of event, but am not sure how much interest there would be.

Your thoughts?
With Rob it is imtimidation as he feels he doesn't know how to pray. He has been saved for 7 years and says he is still a baby in the Lord I was born and raised in the Lord so at times he does it but, for the most part he relys on me to do so. He is coming out of his shell more and more but, is def. intimidated.
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Proud Army Wife! Hooah!
Mom_of_3_blessings Army Strong- 08/04
DD we lovingly call her Mimi - 02/01
DS1 we lovingly call him Papote- 01/06
DS 2 we lovingly call Spanky - 09/11
My heart - 06/10 - Our 4 legged son

I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength!

Men do not reject the Bible because it contradicts itself but because it contradicts them.

האל ספק שלי
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Old 01-28-2013, 11:24 AM
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I think the issue is that there just are no longer men out there that can model appropriate biblical behavior for men. They grow up without a strong godly man for a role model and therefore have no idea how to satisfy this in their marriages. And then most men aren't going to go out and and search for a friend or someone who can be this for them. And so they are completely at a lost as to what this is suppose to look like and I think this makes them feel like failures. Why try if you have no idea where to start, how to start and you know you'll just feel like a failure if you do?

I think what we do need is ministries that are coming along side men, establishing one on one relationships, to make them accountable and to help them understand what it means to lead a family. I do not think we need a conference or a retreat because that is never something men choose to go to, really. They need true, real friendships IMO.
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But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you are blessed. “And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled.” But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed. For it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. 1 Peter 3:14–17

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Last edited by whitnessforhim; 01-28-2013 at 02:30 PM.
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