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Old 10-12-2012, 10:13 AM
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buttrfli buttrfli is offline
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Default How do you handle mornings?

My boys are 3 & 5. We homeschool so there is no need to be up and ready for "school" at a certain time. Once they got out of the crib they were required to play quietly upstairs until 7:00. This enabled DH and I to get ready for the day before they came down. DH is a morning person, I am not. DH has always asked me to be up, showered, dressed and ready before the kids come down. Sometimes I am capable of this, sometimes I am not. Its an area that is very very hard for me. I do not wake well to an alarm. I know it sounds like a cop out but its been 10 years now and I still cant seem to make a lasting habit of getting up earlier than 7. I can get up at say 6:30 and be ready by 7:15-7:30, even 7 some days. Even when I get up at 5:30 I still feel like I'm rushing at 6:55 to finish getting ready.

Now the reality is that it really makes no difference if I'm dressed by 7 because the kids are generally up somewhere in the 6 o'clock hour and are up and downstairs but generally entertaining themselves.

I dont think its necessary to be "up and ready" by 7 but DH is still pretty adamant about it. Its driving a wedge between us at this point.

Its not that I stay up super late (usually). But I really do like some down time before bed. Whether its watching a movie or reading or talking with him. I just cant go to bed at 9:00 usually.

He gets frustrated because often his breakfast is interrupted by the children. I explain that EVERYTHING I do is interrupted by the children. I almost always eat cold eggs, always stop what I'm doing to help them from when I wake to when they go to bed. That is why I really need that time at night to unwind. Now he would say just have that time in the morning but one, I'm not a morning person and two, they are up anyway.

Sorry for the rant, I just really don't know what to do. I asked him if we could just try me waking up naturally for a week, no alarm. I figured that between him showering and getting dressed and the kids coming in to show me their lego ship or give me a picture they drew, I would be up and ready by 7, 7:30 at the latest. And we could all be happier about it. This morning (after we stayed up til 11 talking about this) I had my alarm set for 5:45. I woke up at 5:30, looked at the clock and grabbed my phone to shut off my alarm. Then I remembered how disappointed he would be. So I did shut it off but I started checking my email etc to wake me up. I was dressed and ready by 7. He was upstairs coloring with the kids but somewhat grumpy. So I feel like even if I'm "dressed and ready" by 7, if the kids require anything, he's not going to be happy. Its so frustrating.

When he is not there (during winter he plows snow and leaves at 4 in the morning) we get along just fine. Chores get done, school gets done, I get dressed, they aren't dead. So what is the big deal?

OK so still rambling. Please HELP! (BTW he asked me to post this and get feedback). TIA!
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I'm Liz
Loving and Submitting wife to Andrew since 2003
Homeschooling Luke (7) and Josh (5)
Doggie Mommy to Winston (3yo Goldendoodle)
"We love because He first loved us" 1 John 4:19
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  #2  
Old 10-12-2012, 12:23 PM
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lmy911 lmy911 is offline
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My DH is somewhat of a morning person; he can turn his alarm off, jump out of bed and get ready for work and out the door in 20-30 minutes. Me on the other hand, it takes me a little bit to get moving. I may be out of bed, but I need my coffee and some "quiet" time before I can get my day going. I usually don't get that quiet time though. My kids are also early risers so I know what you mean about your day starting off with them awake already.

My DH doesn't say much to me about it unless we need to be somewhere. I know I need to be a little better disciplined about getting ready in the morning and keep telling myself I'm going to do it, but I haven't yet.

I also need that unwind time at night before bed. It's the only time I get without the kids since they are also home with me all day. School takes up a majority of our day, so I look forward to their bedtime.

I think my DH has learned that his nagging me about getting ready didn't help, so he doesn't do it too much anymore, unless like I said we need to be somewhere. I have learned to get ready quicker though, so I haven't been "late" lately.

Can I ask why he is adamant about you being up and ready by 7am? Is it so he doesn't have to take care of the kids or is this just something he thinks should be that way? Was his mom like that?

One thing I do know about my DH bugging me in the past is it taught my kids to bug me about getting ready....grrrrr!!!! I told my DH I didn't need 3 people telling me to get ready or asking me if I was ready yet, I was capable of taking care of myself when it comes to that. He's backed off since then, but unfortunately, my kids haven't. So, I would at least make sure he's not saying all of this in front of your boys.

I don't know if any of this helped, Liz. I feel like I've rambled a little. I hope you and your DH can get something worked out so that both of you are happier in the morning.
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"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." (Col. 3:12-13)
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Old 10-12-2012, 12:54 PM
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bluebell bluebell is offline
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I sat down and told my dh that the kids do not just take up his time but mine too and if he wants everything ready to go in the morning he needs to step up and help me ! We are a team , i am not solely responsible for the children's behavouir especially when we are in the house together .

Maybe have two days a week where you try to be up and ready for the kids and for school etc and then have a few relaxed mornings ....i love all of us around the breakfast table in pjs chatting and laughing and i like it to be relaxed and fun and a time our kids remember when they are older ......after breakfast we all clean up and go get ready for the day and do what needs doing dh leaves before us and i leave before the older kids ( my mom steps in )

Find out his reasons for wanting you up and ready as leah says .....and try to find a compromise that suits you both .
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Old 10-12-2012, 04:09 PM
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KRD KRD is offline
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In our house it is the opposite I am the morning person and DH would love to sleep until 9 or 10. How mornings work in our house on a weekday or are meant to work is as follows:
Our kids have a clock in their room and they are expected to be quiet until 7am. We have our moments but it work normally.

I get up about 6:40 and have my shower. I normally get out my clothes the night before. Before this I am often reading or doing my bible study.

DH's alarm goes at 6:50 so when I have had my shower I come back and we pray.

When the kids come in at 7 I get up with them. They are expected to get dressed then and I will organise their breakfast. While they are doing breakfast I am making lunches etc. DH comes down after his shave etc and makes coffee. Then I have breakfast with my coffee. The kids are expected to leave me in peace at this point. They both have chores to do at this point. DH leaves for work about 8am and during term time we leave around 8:25 or a little earlier if we are walking.

However these school holidays (which are nearly finished) I have been not getting up as early and sometimes having my shower after breakfast. I always get dressed as I don't like wandering around in my pjs.

I agree with Lauren about finding some form of compromise and also ask why.

On the weekends we take turns. I get up on Saturdays with the kids and DH on Sunday. Apparently daddy gives them his cereal and lets them watch TV from the Dining room while eating their breakfast.

I am about to go make pancakes for breakfast. A has been asking for them all holidays as one of his reading books about how to make pancakes.
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Old 10-12-2012, 05:44 PM
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Vanna Vanna is offline
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Oh-my-stars-Liz! My first response to your hubby is get-a-life-dot-com!

Seriously though, if he doesn't want to be "disturbed" by the children in the AM, then maybe you guys will have to extend the "stay in your room" policy for the boys till they are called or till a later hour. I was a "Fresh-air Fund" kid and the family I stayed with had this policy. I used to think it was sooooo dumb, but now as an adult I see the merit in it. Hubs needs his down-time in the AM just like you need your down-time in the PM. Cool. We can live with that if those little fellas stay in their room till summoned or come down a little later (8AM?) so that hubs can enjoy his breakfast in peace and maybe a little alone time with you before he leaves.

As a homeschool mom and THE MANAGER of the home (ex. Titus 2) you have earned the "right" (IMHO) to make your own hours and set your own schedule (sorry hubby, you might have to dine alone in the AM).

When my hubs started working from home, I set the guidelines that I am only responsible to feed him for one meal a day: dinner (and I usually cook enough for a leftovers lunch for him). He will have to get his own breakfast and his own lunch (because I knew that if I didn't, I could wind up as a short-order cook on top of my other responsibilities). He didn't like this guideline of course, but it has kept harmony in the home for 5 yrs now.

BTW, *no apologies* necessary for the rant, my dear.

There was a funny little verse that was shared with us during our pre-marital counseling using the book Before You Say "I Do" that gave this pithy little warning:

Proverbs 27:14
He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning,
it shall be counted a curse to him.

The application given was that we need to respect how God made us different and that one spouse might be a morning person and the other, not.
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Old 10-12-2012, 06:02 PM
maryrose maryrose is offline
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they're his kids too, and if he's disturbed by them, maybe he should find a solution!

i'm with vanna
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Old 10-12-2012, 07:01 PM
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emily445455 emily445455 is online now
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I'm confused why them interupting his breakfast is such a bad thing. Maybe it's a man thing, my DH gets frustrated by that kind of thing too....I just reheat my food a million times maybe you could try having a family breakfast before he leaves? Then the kids aren't bothering him, you are all eating together? Maybe you could shower at night instead of in the morning, then you won't feel so rushed? I am def not a morning person, neither is my hubby...he doesn't expect me to get up when he leaves for work in the morning (I do wake up enough to say good bye, then I go back to sleep).
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Old 10-12-2012, 07:03 PM
maryrose maryrose is offline
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showering at night, like emily said, makes a lot of sense.
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  #9  
Old 10-12-2012, 07:09 PM
WhispyWillow
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If it were me, I would tell DH that I am feeling resentful, and try to come to a compromise. (((hugs)))

Sounds really frustrating!
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  #10  
Old 10-14-2012, 07:51 AM
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bluebell bluebell is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vanna View Post
Oh-my-stars-Liz! My first response to your hubby is get-a-life-dot-com!

Seriously though, if he doesn't want to be "disturbed" by the children in the AM, then maybe you guys will have to extend the "stay in your room" policy for the boys till they are called or till a later hour. I was a "Fresh-air Fund" kid and the family I stayed with had this policy. I used to think it was sooooo dumb, but now as an adult I see the merit in it. Hubs needs his down-time in the AM just like you need your down-time in the PM. Cool. We can live with that if those little fellas stay in their room till summoned or come down a little later (8AM?) so that hubs can enjoy his breakfast in peace and maybe a little alone time with you before he leaves.

As a homeschool mom and THE MANAGER of the home (ex. Titus 2) you have earned the "right" (IMHO) to make your own hours and set your own schedule (sorry hubby, you might have to dine alone in the AM).

When my hubs started working from home, I set the guidelines that I am only responsible to feed him for one meal a day: dinner (and I usually cook enough for a leftovers lunch for him). He will have to get his own breakfast and his own lunch (because I knew that if I didn't, I could wind up as a short-order cook on top of my other responsibilities). He didn't like this guideline of course, but it has kept harmony in the home for 5 yrs now.

BTW, *no apologies* necessary for the rant, my dear.

There was a funny little verse that was shared with us during our pre-marital counseling using the book Before You Say "I Do" that gave this pithy little warning:

Proverbs 27:14
He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning,
it shall be counted a curse to him.

The application given was that we need to respect how God made us different and that one spouse might be a morning person and the other, not.

Good reply and i agree


You are taking on the sole responsibility of your children's education , you have earned the right to a lie in and a peaceful morning IMO
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