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  #1  
Old 03-05-2012, 06:01 PM
WhispyWillow
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Default Stay at home mom?

I have no idea where this belongs, so I am putting it here. Feel free to move it.

I am spinning from the thread about parenting or careers in the grown children forum. In that thread many people said that they are raising their girls to be keepers of the home. I wanted to explore this, because I was raised that way, and I have mixed feelings.

I am an awesome employee. I am not trying to brag; but I have been promoted at every job I have had. I always have had excellent ratings, and I thrive in that environment.

When I SAH, I have beating headaches by the end of the day. I cry a lot. I struggle with depression and have to be on meds. I fight hard, and often loose the battle to be nice to my kids. I am so much nicer if I do something, anything, even for jut 20 hours a week. I am more collected, confident, and at peace.

I wish my parents had encouraged college, and thankfully my DH wants me to go. When the boys are in highschool maybe.

All that said not to start a fight, or anything, but I am just wondering what the thought process behind not allowing out of state school or discouraging a career.
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Old 03-05-2012, 06:51 PM
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Hi Willow,

I don't think anyone in the other thread was completely against college or for a woman to have a career. It seemed to me that everyone who posted holds a high esteem for their girls to be keepers at home, but will encourage them to pursue careers that will be supportive of this ideal and/or to be something a young lady can fall back on if she doesn't marry, becomes widowed, separated or divorced.

Quote:
All that said not to start a fight, or anything, but I am just wondering what the thought process behind not allowing out of state school or discouraging a career.
Speaking for myself here: my dh and I are not allowing out-of-state school because we don't believe this is the proper and biblical way to shepherd our daughter. Others may feel differently or have no problem with sending their daughters away to college -- different strokes for different folks.
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Old 03-05-2012, 06:57 PM
WhispyWillow
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Originally Posted by Vanna View Post
Hi Willow,

I don't think anyone in the other thread was completely against college or for a woman to have a career. It seemed to me that everyone who posted holds a high esteem for their girls to be keepers at home, but will encourage them to pursue careers that will be supportive of this ideal and/or to be something a young lady can fall back on if she doesn't marry, becomes widowed, separated or divorced.

Speaking for myself here: my dh and I are not allowing out-of-state school because we don't believe this is the proper and biblical way to shepherd our daughter. Others may feel differently or have no problem with sending their daughters away to college -- different strokes for different folks.

I guess my question is: why just the girls? Why not keep all kids in state?

Again, just curious. no throwing stones here.
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Old 03-05-2012, 08:10 PM
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Willow, I have friends who struggle like you being at home all day long with their kids. Most of either gone back to work partime, studied or got involved a project of some sort within their church or community. My best friend is like that. When her daughter was born 6 years ago she saw it as an opprtunity to set up a music for preschooler group at their church. She has also worked partime and study in the last six years.

I know I have times when I feel like I am stuck in a routine with the same things happening washing, cooking cleaning etc. Something that helps me is to try new recipes or I am a creative person so I always have a craft project on the go. I sit at my daugthers swimming lesson knitting.

I don't see that everyone has to be a full time stay at home mum but for our family it is the best decision.

The past 18 months we have been living with what seems like constant earthquakes and I have discovered the benefits of going for walking and getting out the house.
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  #5  
Old 03-05-2012, 09:26 PM
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I was the opposite. College and carreer were (still are to an extent) expected of me. I was depressed in college, was stressed out to the point of getting sick, etc. I thrive as a stay at home mom and wife, I absolutely love it. The only down side is my massive amount of debt from going to college.

I am not against college, I just want my daughters (and sons) to know they have more options than spending 5 years at a college and getting a job.
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Old 03-05-2012, 09:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GentleFamily2007 View Post
I guess my question is: why just the girls? Why not keep all kids in state?

Again, just curious. no throwing stones here.
Tee-hee! I have none in-hand. Good question!

My dh and I have no intentions of having our boys go out of state for college. The plan right now is for them to attend community college. The education is comparable and the cost much less. They can transfer their credits to a 4-year college should they desire to continue on. Although our state is the smallest of the 50, we have excellent institutions and there is really no reason for the children to go elsewhere for undergraduate studies.

Oh, and for those who don't like being a stay-at-home-all-day mom, I really like what KRD suggested! Having a "cottage-industry" job or a part-time job sounds great! I personally LOVE being home and I'm not even looking forward to going back to work to pay those college bills I racked up (so you're not alone Emily) once I'm done homeschooling (7 yrs to go!).
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Old 03-05-2012, 10:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vanna View Post
Hi Willow,

I don't think anyone in the other thread was completely against college or for a woman to have a career. It seemed to me that everyone who posted holds a high esteem for their girls to be keepers at home, but will encourage them to pursue careers that will be supportive of this ideal and/or to be something a young lady can fall back on if she doesn't marry, becomes widowed, separated or divorced.

Speaking for myself here: my dh and I are not allowing out-of-state school because we don't believe this is the proper and biblical way to shepherd our daughter. Others may feel differently or have no problem with sending their daughters away to college -- different strokes for different folks.


Quote:
Originally Posted by emily445455 View Post
I was the opposite. College and carreer were (still are to an extent) expected of me. I was depressed in college, was stressed out to the point of getting sick, etc. I thrive as a stay at home mom and wife, I absolutely love it. The only down side is my massive amount of debt from going to college.

I am not against college, I just want my daughters (and sons) to know they have more options than spending 5 years at a college and getting a job.
I was also pushed to go to college, get a degree and work. Now I'm stuck paying off debt. Even when I was working, I wasn't making enough for what I spent on my degree.
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Old 03-05-2012, 10:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GentleFamily2007 View Post
I have no idea where this belongs, so I am putting it here. Feel free to move it.

I am spinning from the thread about parenting or careers in the grown children forum. In that thread many people said that they are raising their girls to be keepers of the home. I wanted to explore this, because I was raised that way, and I have mixed feelings.

I am an awesome employee. I am not trying to brag; but I have been promoted at every job I have had. I always have had excellent ratings, and I thrive in that environment.

When I SAH, I have beating headaches by the end of the day. I cry a lot. I struggle with depression and have to be on meds. I fight hard, and often loose the battle to be nice to my kids. I am so much nicer if I do something, anything, even for jut 20 hours a week. I am more collected, confident, and at peace.

I wish my parents had encouraged college, and thankfully my DH wants me to go. When the boys are in highschool maybe.

All that said not to start a fight, or anything, but I am just wondering what the thought process behind not allowing out of state school or discouraging a career.
My perspective is probably a pretty conservative one- I almost don't want to wade in!

I believe in the Biblical roles of men and women. I am not against a daughter studying after high school at all- but I do believe that as most women are called to be wives and mothers, they need to be ready to do this- God's way- not theirs. And God's way as outlined in the Bible is for women to be keepers at home.

As for feeling more fulfilled at work than at home- this isn't surprising to me at all. I believe most mothers these days feel the same way.
I am sure that I would feel the same way.

When I was at work I was challenged in ways that I could rise up to and fulfil (not always the case at home), I received positive feedback regularly (almost NEVER the case at home) and what was expected of me was clearly outlined and achievable. I knew confidently what my role was and what challenges may pop up and had the support of fellow staff members (I am sure you get me by now- NOT the case at home).

I struggle with being a stay-at-home mother also. I don't know a single SAHM who doesn't. My two word explanation for this: spiritual attack. I know that the enemy is at work against diligent and passionate Christian parents.

AND the number one thing about the vocation of motherhood that I have learned so far is this: it is missional. And like any of God's work- suffering is not an indication of not being where God wants you. In fact- it's the best place for Him to refine you.

I hope that doesn't sound really harsh- it was actually meant to be encouraging! Being sleep-deprived, depressed and weak in my flesh has been the single greatest contributor to God being able to work His process of sanctification in my life
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  #9  
Old 03-05-2012, 10:39 PM
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Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
My perspective is probably a pretty conservative one- I almost don't want to wade in!

I believe in the Biblical roles of men and women. I am not against a daughter studying after high school at all- but I do believe that as most women are called to be wives and mothers, they need to be ready to do this- God's way- not theirs. And God's way as outlined in the Bible is for women to be keepers at home.

As for feeling more fulfilled at work than at home- this isn't surprising to me at all. I believe most mothers these days feel the same way.
I am sure that I would feel the same way.

When I was at work I was challenged in ways that I could rise up to and fulfil (not always the case at home), I received positive feedback regularly (almost NEVER the case at home) and what was expected of me was clearly outlined and achievable. I knew confidently what my role was and what challenges may pop up and had the support of fellow staff members (I am sure you get me by now- NOT the case at home).

I struggle with being a stay-at-home mother also. I don't know a single SAHM who doesn't. My two word explanation for this: spiritual attack. I know that the enemy is at work against diligent and passionate Christian parents.

AND the number one thing about the vocation of motherhood that I have learned so far is this: it is missional. And like any of God's work- suffering is not an indication of not being where God wants you. In fact- it's the best place for Him to refine you.

I hope that doesn't sound really harsh- it was actually meant to be encouraging! Being sleep-deprived, depressed and weak in my flesh has been the single greatest contributor to God being able to work His process of sanctification in my life
Very well said!
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  #10  
Old 03-05-2012, 10:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
My perspective is probably a pretty conservative one- I almost don't want to wade in!

I believe in the Biblical roles of men and women. I am not against a daughter studying after high school at all- but I do believe that as most women are called to be wives and mothers, they need to be ready to do this- God's way- not theirs. And God's way as outlined in the Bible is for women to be keepers at home.

As for feeling more fulfilled at work than at home- this isn't surprising to me at all. I believe most mothers these days feel the same way.
I am sure that I would feel the same way.

When I was at work I was challenged in ways that I could rise up to and fulfil (not always the case at home), I received positive feedback regularly (almost NEVER the case at home) and what was expected of me was clearly outlined and achievable. I knew confidently what my role was and what challenges may pop up and had the support of fellow staff members (I am sure you get me by now- NOT the case at home).

I struggle with being a stay-at-home mother also. I don't know a single SAHM who doesn't. My two word explanation for this: spiritual attack. I know that the enemy is at work against diligent and passionate Christian parents.

AND the number one thing about the vocation of motherhood that I have learned so far is this: it is missional. And like any of God's work- suffering is not an indication of not being where God wants you. In fact- it's the best place for Him to refine you.

I hope that doesn't sound really harsh- it was actually meant to be encouraging! Being sleep-deprived, depressed and weak in my flesh has been the single greatest contributor to God being able to work His process of sanctification in my life
This is my view as well. Very well written. And I surely needed to read it today, as I have had one of those days where I want to quit. So thank you, GentleFamily for posting the question, and thank you Chickpea for the wonderful reminder.
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Click here to read my blog. I haven't posted recently, but maybe something I've written will bless your heart. Someday I hope to write again.
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