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Old 11-13-2013, 11:26 AM
timf timf is offline
Join Date: Nov 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 82
Default Getting husbands interested in leading

I suppose I am late to the party. I was reading some of the older posts in the Marriage section. I came across a post that spoke to me and I thought it might be representative of a number of people's concerns.

Witnessforhim wrote - "I think the issue is that there just are no longer men out there that can model appropriate biblical behavior for men. They grow up without a strong godly man for a role model and therefore have no idea how to satisfy this in their marriages. And then most men aren't going to go out and and search for a friend or someone who can be this for them. And so they are completely at a lost as to what this is suppose to look like and I think this makes them feel like failures. Why try if you have no idea where to start, how to start and you know you'll just feel like a failure if you do? "
Many women find that their husbands do not lead their family well or as well as they would like. This is most evident to them in spiritual areas. Witnessforhim had a good observation. However, I think the problem is much wider and deeper.

I am 63 years old. I have been married only for the last 20 years. I was reluctant to marry for a long time because I did not want to entangle myself in anything like the many marriages with which I was familiar.

I see the world as run by Satan (insofar as he is allowed by God). The Bible says that we are not unaware of his schemes. He seems to be advancing global collectivism. I suspect that this is to bring the entire world under his control (since he can't be everywhere at once, he needs to leverage his influence). In order to accomplish this he needs to create an artificial environment to replace the natural environment that God created. I suppose you could call this artificial environment "society".

We have come to the point in history where the three main elements of society, school, work, and government, are almost ready to merge. The main obstacle to this is the family. In order to merge the family into society it was necessary to remove children to public school so that they could receive instruction in the sate religion of secularism (the worship of man in general and self in particular). Wives and mothers had to be removed so that they would follow the instructions of their work "husbands" (their bosses). None of this could have been possible if men had not first been made ineffective.

Before consideration can be effectively given to how men can be helped to properly take the role for which they were made, consideration has to be given to how men have been reduced to their present circumstance. What is really sad is how much the church has been used to help accomplish this.

Paul told the women in church that they should be silent and ask their husbands at home. Many today take this as an extreme insult to women. I take it as a warning that there is a danger when men are by-passed. Consider how quickly the early church became a system whereby the priest would tell the women what the husbands had to do.

There are two verses that bear on the presumption of an active role for men to play in the church besides giving money and lawn maintenance.

Hebrews 13:17a Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves:
More accurately translated, "Stop resisting and allow yourselves to be persuaded by those you have chosen to follow."

Romans 14:5 One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.

Each man is to be persuaded. His evaluation and conclusion are essential. A man can be taught and even corrected, but he cannot be told what to do as if he were a child or some sort of robot. Many men will react to a system that relegates them to a subservient role by withdrawal and disengagement.

Men were even further beaten down by the early church when they adopted the Greek academy as the method of instruction to be used. This arena of strutting intellectual pride gave us universities which today are such bastions of hatred to Christianity.

Men were further told that their participation was not needed because religious "experts" have determined all they needed to know. Even the reformation could not break the system of priest/pastor control of a church.

Our tradition of organizational Christianity has no real place for men. There is no real way for men to become leaders in their home through church instruction since most churches follow the system that eroded their authority in the first place. Paul and Timothy demonstrated the Master/apprentice model of instruction that has been used in familial and relational instruction through the ages. The classroom/academy model of instruction serves organizational efficiency, but it presumes that learning is just raw data as opposed to context and values that one finds with the apprenticeship model.

Men might not know what has happened or why, but they are perceptive enough to retreat from that which appears to threaten and hole up in solitude with sports, pornography, beer, and tune out the world that seems to have no place for them. Some even go so far as to follow the MGTOW (men going their own way) path.

A Christian wife who would like to encourage her husband to take more leadership of the family faces some problems. The first problem is that if the husband sees no problem, it is unlikely he will take any steps to fix something he does not see as broke. The second problem is that it is unlikely he will be open to seeing a counselor or pastor as these usually see him as the problem and think in terms of how he has to be changed or "fixed".

A third problem is that the world is saturated with anti-men messages. He is aware that associating himself with any such position may be like standing up in defense of a smoker that is about to be hung.

A fourth problem is where or from whom could he get any useful information. It is almost like being a Christian in North Korea.

I am available to correspond with anyone if it would be of any help. I worked on a crisis hotline 30 years ago and talked with over 4,000 people in every possible situation you could imagine.

I understand that not everyone would agree with my perspectives. However, I came out of worldly entanglement and I have a burden for men who might also wish to be free but do not see in their denomination or church the resources to help them build the life they envision. PM me if I can be of any help.

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