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  #11  
Old 08-31-2012, 11:48 AM
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Originally Posted by memoriesmama View Post
I know you won't like my response to this, but I am saying it out of love. I think a lot of issues would be cleared up if you either didn't live together before marriage or got married. The relationship and the "work" needed to be done is completely different for a married couple, IMHO.
Amen !
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  #12  
Old 08-31-2012, 12:39 PM
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Originally Posted by memoriesmama View Post
I know you won't like my response to this, but I am saying it out of love. I think a lot of issues would be cleared up if you either didn't live together before marriage or got married. The relationship and the "work" needed to be done is completely different for a married couple, IMHO.
I'll go even further than this and say you have no right (legally and/or spiritually) to expect husband like behavior from someone who isn't your husband.
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  #13  
Old 08-31-2012, 01:20 PM
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I'll go even further than this and say you have no right (legally and/or spiritually) to expect husband like behavior from someone who isn't your husband.
Amen!

That is what I was trying to get at. You said it very well.
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  #14  
Old 08-31-2012, 02:48 PM
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I'll go even further than this and say you have no right (legally and/or spiritually) to expect husband like behavior from someone who isn't your husband.
And to go even further than this...he will not change when he becomes your husband. there are many horrible marriages because women think they can change their grown men. If you don't like how he acts, don't marry him...b/c it will be a lifelong struggle if you don't get over it.
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Old 08-31-2012, 03:33 PM
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I agree with everything everyone else said. I try to explain this to a friend but its very hard for her to understand. She is engaged and will be married in a year. They live together and they struggle with all these little issues. Even though marriage is "just a piece of paper" it changes everything. Suddenly a lot of these little things become just that...little things and we, as wives, just learn to deal with them because we appreciate the bigger things about our husbands. When you are married there is a commitment to work it out, there is a reason to stick it through and deal with the issues. When you are single, thats exactly what you are, single, alone, looking out for yourself. Marriage is a partnership and although my responsibilities may be the housework and the majority of childrearing, his responsibilities also include housework and childrearing. He doesn't expect me to mow the lawn even though I walk on it. And I don't expect him to make the bed even though he sleeps in it. He tries to clean up after himself but (most) men just aren't wired to see the stuff we see. It doesn't bother them one bit. I've learned to just serve him in these ways because I love him and because I certainly would rather have him in my life, then not have his muddy boots tracking across my floor, or his dirty clothes missing the hamper, and be without him. If he was single these things wouldnt matter because the clothes could just stay right there on the floor until he bagged them and took them to the cleaners and the mud could cake the kitchen until his cleaning lady came. You get what I'm saying. Its a partnership. We make sacrifices and compromises to be with the one we love. If we werent together many of these issues wouldnt matter. And that is why marriage is so important. Its too easy for unmarried cohabitating couples to just walk away when things get hard, as they inevitably do when you are sharing your life with someone and have to go from thinking only about yourself to thinking about how everything you do is going to affect someone else. And perhaps even thinking about marriage in a godly way, which means putting the other person and his preferences, desires, and needs before your own. This is challenging and not something anyone who isnt married cares to undertake. There are people who would tell you that if they truly knew and understood how hard marriage was going to be they wouldnt have gotten married. Not because they dont love their spouse but I think we all got more than what we bargained for when we got married. Why do you think Paul suggests staying unmarried...all in all its waaaaay easier. But God has plans and marriage done right grows and strengthens two people in an amazing way that is hard to do alone. Not that God cant grow individuals and He certainly calls some people to celibacy for His reasons. Anyway, my point is, jumping into a married like life without the marriage is a recipe for disaster in my opinion. It just makes everything harder when in the back of one's mind is, well they might leave over this.
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