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Old 12-16-2013, 05:48 AM
Paula Paula is offline
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Default 1 step forward, 5 steps back

I am not sure where to start as I am feeling at a real loss on how to deal with my two girls. I have always had behaviour issues with both of them and I have been working with them to train them up to both behave and obey our rules. I was thinking that I was beginning to make positive changes with them but that all went backwards on Friday.

I live in a small village and donít have many friends but our pastors wife has become a real friend to me and on Friday she looked after both girls while I went shopping for some Christmas things. When I came back I was horrified at the behaviour of my girls they were so naughty for the entire time I was away.

From I left both girls had tantrums and refused to do as they were told, a vase was broken, they drew on the walls and my youngest bite the pastorís wife.

When I came back and heard this, all I wanted to do is cry as I was so annoyed, angry and frustrated with their behaviour. The pastorís wife was also upset with their behaviour and she wished she had of been able to deal with them better.

I also have the problem that I have to go to the dentist tomorrow and my pastorís wife had agreed to watch them but how can I send them back to her. I just donít know what to do next.

Any suggestions or ideas will be welcomed
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Old 12-17-2013, 02:15 PM
Mark Lakewood Mark Lakewood is offline
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What are the ages of your kids and how exactly do you currently discipline them? This info is needed to give you some relatively sound advice.
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Old 12-18-2013, 05:59 AM
Paula Paula is offline
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Hi Mark,

My girls are 4 (nearly 5) and 2. I have been given different advice over the last number of months on how to discipline my girls and I have been using both raising godly tomatoes and using some techniques which I have seen on supernanny. So the discipline I use is a variety of thing from star charts, time outs and spanking.
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Old 12-19-2013, 12:37 AM
Mark Lakewood Mark Lakewood is offline
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Hi Paula,

I'm sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I've been having Internet connection issues all day today - very frustrating! Without knowing more about your situation, what I would recommend is sticking with timeouts and a strong token economy system. Though others might disagree with me on either technique, I have found consistency in the use of these techniques extremely effective in improving child behavior issues. There definitely is a right and a wrong way to implement these techniques as you might have seen on Super Nanny. I am also a strong believer in disciplining kids at home for misbehavior at school or in other environments.

I have been a family therapist for decades working with parents on similar issues. If you would like for me to help you tweak your current method for timeouts and rewards, please detail for me exactly what your procedure includes.
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:13 AM
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Vanna Vanna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paula View Post
Hi Mark,

My girls are 4 (nearly 5) and 2. I have been given different advice over the last number of months on how to discipline my girls and I have been using both raising godly tomatoes and using some techniques which I have seen on supernanny.So the discipline I use is a variety of thing from star charts, time outs and spanking.
I think that by using a variety a methods, your discipline is confusing your girls. They don't know what to expect when they've disobeyed.

I would recommend choosing one method and sticking to it, if only for consistency sake.

Our forum members have offered information on the methods they have chosen (and I would recommend searching past threads to see them).

What worked for me is to use the principles I learned from the book Shepherding a Child's Heart (here's a link to the thread you started about the best parenting book)

http://www.christianparentsforum.com...hild%27s+heart

and the sermon series How Not to Foul Up the Training of Your Children.

http://www.christianparentsforum.com...highlight=foul

Hope this helps!
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Old 12-19-2013, 03:56 PM
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bluebell bluebell is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vanna View Post
I think that by using a variety a methods, your discipline is confusing your girls. They don't know what to expect when they've disobeyed.

I would recommend choosing one method and sticking to it, if only for consistency sake.

Our forum members have offered information on the methods they have chosen (and I would recommend searching past threads to see them).

What worked for me is to use the principles I learned from the book Shepherding a Child's Heart (here's a link to the thread you started about the best parenting book)

http://www.christianparentsforum.com...hild%27s+heart

and the sermon series How Not to Foul Up the Training of Your Children.

http://www.christianparentsforum.com...highlight=foul

Hope this helps!
I agree .

Training our girls in first time obedience was the best decision we ever made as parents , our girls know what to expect and there is no inconsistancy .
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Old 02-06-2015, 10:21 PM
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MarkS MarkS is offline
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Paula, my prayer for you is to be strong in the Lord and to seek Him to gift you and to help you in this time.

Very young children need consistency so whatever method you try keep it going for a good 2 months to see how effective it is.

Also, small children need attention in a timely manner. So again, whatever method you use administer it quickly (not in anger or haste, but timely) so that it is most effective.

And my last work of encouragement, catch them doing good and praise, praise, praise. You want to expose their being good as much as possible.

May God bless you in your very important job of parenting.
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Old 07-01-2015, 12:54 PM
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I agree with Lauren. It can be confusing for children if they are not held to the standard of First time obedience.

How are things going now?
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