okay so here would be the reason i went looking for a christian parenting forum. i know i am not the only one with disobedient children. i am having some issues with one of my children and sometimes two. it all started over a year ago. i was preggers with #5 and i got pneumonia. i was VERY sick for about a month. i could not take care of anyone. not even myself. friends and spouse helped fill in the gaps but things were definately not running as normal. the children began taking advantage of the situation by not doing their chores and not doing their school work. that was january of 09. then as soon as i was improving i was on bedrest trying to stay preggo. i was due mid march and after several weeks of preterm contractions delivered baby at 36 1/2 weeks. she was healthy and fine but obviously required all the attention any newborn would. so for a couple of months we needed to adjust to this new little princess. every one has loved her and i have seen very little jealously or frustration with her. none-the-less, the kiddos were still not wanting to do their work. then as i was finally establishing a new routine and things were hitting a new normal i had a serious injury to my foot. i was in a lot of pain but could only take the pain meds at bed time right after breastfeeding baby girl to avoid getting much in her system. this recovery lasted right at 3 months. we then made a huge life change. we moved from a house about 3000 sq feet to a small apartment of only 950 sq feet. we went from not really worrying too much about where we spent our money to watching every penny. my husband went from owning his own buisness and working many hours overtime to now being a full time seminary student. in addition to this the week i was finally given a doctors okay on every thing with my foot i was refered to a neurologist for some every increasing back pain. long story short (you are thinking this is short! ) i had a ruptured disc in my back. the mri scan showed such a large rupture that they took many doctors and many hours of studying the scans to rule out that it was tumor or not. praise God it was not. never the less i was under constant pain for many months. FINALLY at the end of December i was feeling 85%. I have stayed there and things are finally beginning to level out again. Life seems to have another new normal these days. All the while i have been dealing with rebelliousness from my youngest son and often my oldest daughter. to describe the behavior a little better they will go days and weeks stubbornly refusing to complete their school work or clean their rooms. each time this has happened they have of course had to complete all school work and chores before being given freedoms back. they have both already lost ALL personal items. mind you only after many months of this behavior. they have no toys, no electronics, no tv priviledges etc. they are able to earn back items such as toys if they have a week of finishing school work. they know that school is not an option. it is the law. so i will not be allow them to earn any thing back with out a week of completing their things. but they can earn daily priviledges of tv and going out side to play with friends if they do their work for a whole day. they have been struggling to be respectful. (lots of screaming and talking back and whining) we have talked through the spiritual issues over and over. i pray with them and try to encourage them reminding them that their disobedience is not just against me but the Lord. I have told them that we all struggle with sin and they are only one choice away from making good decisions instead of bad ones. i've reminded them that just as they have been suffering bad consequences they will be able to enjoy good consequences if they will make good choices. this week they refused ALL week to do their work. they were unable to leave their rooms except for church activities or errands that i had to run. and i didn't go any where i didnt' absolutely have to go so that they would not have the freedom of leaving because of their behavior. while stuck in their rooms they put holes in their screens because they were leaning out the windows to talk to their friends. one of them crawled out his window repeatedly to play with his friends. and the other snuck out the door a couple of times to play with hers. (we live in campus housing and there are swarms of kiddos hanging outside their windows all the time) i have spanked them both untold #s of times as has my husband. we have talked to them and prayed with them. i have lost my cool and yelled my head off at them way too many times and had to apologize and remind them that mommy is only human as well and struggles with sin just like they do. i am exhausted with the situation. i have prayed for wisdom and read parenting book after parenting book. if any of you have any encouragement of words of wisdom for me please do share. i have written at length but there is so much more i could have included. i hope that i have at least accurately given a discription so that you can understand. thanks so much.

I am truly in awe of your perseverance through all your struggles! It sounds to me that you are doing all the right things when it comes to disciplining your children.

All I can add is to remain consistent, and in prayer. Perhaps find a local pastor to talk with.

I will include your family in my daily prayers!

I am truly in awe of your perseverance through all your struggles! It sounds to me that you are doing all the right things when it comes to disciplining your children.

All I can add is to remain consistent, and in prayer. Perhaps find a local pastor to talk with.

I will include your family in my daily prayers!

I agree :thumbs:

I am truly in awe of your perseverance through all your struggles! It sounds to me that you are doing all the right things when it comes to disciplining your children.

All I can add is to remain consistent, and in prayer. Perhaps find a local pastor to talk with.

I will include your family in my daily prayers!

:yeahthat: Seems as if you're doing your best. Keep doing it, keep praying and I'll pray too that you'll have results in the long run. Remember it's not all your fault - your children are separate people with their own minds!

You've had a lot of change in your life, medically, housing and financially, no wonder you seem pressed to the wall at times!

Stressful times don't last forever and it seems you have managed as best as you could through the worst of it. Life can get messy at times and you can't get everything 100% right.

:praying::praying::praying:

I'm praying for you as you struggle to find what is going to work for your family. I really don't have any advice because I'm struggling with the same things (although not quite as disobedient). We are trying to get back on track after having a baby and then suffering ppd.

You've had a lot of change in your life, medically, housing and financially, no wonder you seem pressed to the wall at times!

Stressful times don't last forever and it seems you have managed as best as you could through the worst of it. Life can get messy at times and you can't get everything 100% right.

:yeahthat:

I will be praying for you. Sorry that I dont have more advise for you at the moment.

wow guys thanks so much for the encouragement and the prayers. seems like you all mean it and will really be praying for me! so often its just the thing to say but you all seem so genuine. i think i was expecting to get blasted with things i could do differently. instead you have all encouraged me! maybe i am not so wildly faltering as it often feels! perserverance seems to be the key. keep on with what i know and be teachable to learning more! already glad i came here! wish some one had a 3 step process for fixing it but i know the Lord sees and will encourage and guide as neccessary!
teresia

Like someone mentioned before there has been alot going on and they have had to adjust to several different things at one time. Just like adults they are struggling to fit in this new place and routine. Although it doesn't warrent the not listening. But, maybe you could have a session for them to vent and air out what they feel.

I have done this with my 2 when they act up and once we talk about it clear somethings is up they are better. JMHO

wow guys thanks so much for the encouragement and the prayers. seems like you all mean it and will really be praying for me! so often its just the thing to say but you all seem so genuine. i think i was expecting to get blasted with things i could do differently. instead you have all encouraged me! maybe i am not so wildly faltering as it often feels! perserverance seems to be the key. keep on with what i know and be teachable to learning more! already glad i came here! wish some one had a 3 step process for fixing it but i know the Lord sees and will encourage and guide as neccessary!
teresia

:grouphug: stay encouraged!

Like someone mentioned before there has been alot going on and they have had to adjust to several different things at one time. Just like adults they are struggling to fit in this new place and routine. Although it doesn't warrent the not listening. But, maybe you could have a session for them to vent and air out what they feel.

I have done this with my 2 when they act up and once we talk about it clear somethings is up they are better. JMHO

i agree with Pheobe! there has been so much change in your lives. everyone must be feeling it. sometimes the older children have a harder time dealing with it all. be patient and be kind! God will not leave you behind!

I agree with Pheobe .

Sometimes kids need to vent .A tip i got from Darcy was throwing eggs at a tree in the garden . i have done this with my kids and it just lets them release all the energy that they have and frustration .

Another thing may be one to one time ? you may already do this .I began doing it with my girls and it made a difference .Nothing special just some time alone with them , doing hair and talking or sitting in the garden .

I will keep you in my prayers :praying: :hug:

Not sure how old your kids are but one thing to try is some more positive reinforcement. Check out the bean jar idea I posted about here (http://www.christianparentsforum.com/forums/showthread.php?p=62308). Sounds like negative reinforcement may just not work for them. Giving them something to work towards may help. Instead of going potty, getting dressed, etc. (if they are beyond that stage) then you can do finishing school work, doing chores, etc. With beans you can reward every little thing and it really helps to improve morale. Praying for your situation.

Hi Teresia,

Wow, it seems like you've gone through trial after trial after trial (yikes, I accidently typed "trail" but then thought "trials" are sometimes like "trails" ...but I digress). :blush:

I'm so glad you reached out for help. Know you're not alone with dealing with "little sinners" as we all have them and I think each of us can testify to seasons where we feel overwhelmed by it all. I will pray for wisdom and patience for your situation:pray:.

Out of all those parenting books you read, is there one in particular that you and your hubby found to be in line with your philosophy of childrearing? The reason I ask is because I think you and hubby will need to have a plan of implementing loving and consistent instruction and correction so that your children can be more obedient and submissive as God commands them to be.

Having children are "sanctifying instruments" in our lives as well; raising children often reveals a lot of the "remaining sin" in our lives. God uses these situations to help us grow in our sanctification in ways we may not have otherwise.

It will help if you both were on the "same page" praying together and working together in the training of your children (I know he's a seminary student and that is a very "rough" schedule to have, and you having little ones in the home is equally as challenging) .

thanks ladies. (i think you were all ladies that relplyed) to answer the question about a certain parenting book that sort of lined up with our style of parenting: when i had my first baby hubby and i took the parenting class growing kids God's way and all the associated books before he was born. we stuck with the principles in that book to the t and didn't waver. then the devil wreaked major chaos on our lives. (you only thought what i descibed seemed like a lot! ) 3 miscarriages, a house fire and then my husband wandered from the Lord left us and seminary (the first time we enrolled) and i was a single mommie for a while. so i quickly learned that sometimes circumstances do not allow for total consistancy. there was consistancy amidst the confusion but not quite like before. Hubby repented and returned only to have a secret life of infidelity for years. i broke down and struggled with an old eating disorder and had to go to the hospital for 2 months. all of the marital issues were overwhelming to me. i tried to control the only thing i felt i could at the time which was my body.i felt God wanted me to stay married but it went against all reason to stay. it was definately a crisis of my faith. i had a hard time knowing what God was calling me to do. finally i realized that if he was repentant who was i to say i wouldn't forgive when CHrist had forgiven me and all of us so much. At some point in all of this i read shepherding a child's heart. among many other parenting books. i felt this book had the grace that the other parenting ministry lacked. i have found a fusion of the two as my parenting bent. hubby again repented about two 1/2years ago but didn't confess till a year later right after the 2nd trimester loss of our daughter to turner's syndrome and during my last pregnancy. then followed all the trials i descibed of pneumonia etc. which brings you all up to speed in the very briefest form to where i started off with my origional post. so i said all that because you can see that the last year was only the tip of the iceburg for trials for us. 18 moves and alot of instability has been the climate of 13 years of marriage. somehow through it all i have continued to grow in my relationship to Christ. i have been trying to teach the children to Love the Lord no matter what the difficut situation. amazingly they have been unaware of the details of the marital situation. dont' get me wrong i know very well that they must know things have not been peachy. but they were so young when we were separated for 2 years that they do not remember. i thought for sure my oldest would remember but he has made several comments that let me know he does not. and then i was sure they would remember mommy being sick for the year or so that i was sick and had to leave. but they only vaguely remember that mommie went on a trip. in the last year or so since hubby and i have been really working on things he has begun to be involved in parenting too. we seem to agree on most parenting issues. but both of us feel like we aren't sure what to do lately. it seems that all of these things undoubtedly have affected the children. but they are very unaware of what was going on. they just know it hasn't been right. but there has still been joy and peace despite it all. so here we are both of us aware of the Grace that God has bestowed upon us. surrendered to doing His will and back at seminary again--where it all started. i still feel like i'm realing from all the blows but i am more aware of God's Love and plan for my life than ever before. I am amazed that i survived it all without going totally insane. I so want to be a good mother and i so want them to have a peaceful loving home...unlike mine of childhood which is another LONG story in itself! God is a good God. He has brought me through SOOOO many things and I know that He has plans for me that Satan would delight in thwarting! But He is a defeated foe and he will not win! Even though i will probably not share any of the most devastating parts of my life with my children until they are old enough to understand them i want them to see that God has brought us as a family through so much. that we can trust Him. I know i cannot make them surrender to Him! But they have claimed a relationship with Him. so i hope that i can somehow communicate HIS POWERFUL LOVE to them! I want Christ to make a difference in our home! well there is safety in sharing with strangers. the anonimity protects my husband and my children from Gossip. i have to be so carefull when to share these thigns. Thanks for all your prayers! and any words of wisdom!
teresia

:praise: to the Lord that He brought you and your family through all of that!
wow! God bless you!

I agree with Ck, wow that you have endured all that and are here to share it. Wow, God is awesome, he never gives us more than we can handle.

I agree with Ck, wow that you have endured all that and are here to share it. Wow, God is awesome, he never gives us more than we can handle.

well i used to think so too but now i've learned that he definately does give us more than we can handle. so many times i have heard " you are so strong, i could never have made it through all that." well i'm here to tell you i am no stronger than you or anyone else. but Jesus in me IS strong enough. I can not handle half of what i've been through. but with Christ i can endure! HE give me strenght. the verse that people usually quote to say God won't give us more than we can bear is not talking about trials. it is talking about temptation. He will not give us more than we can bear to with stand temptation to sin but he often gives us more than we can emotionally or physically handle so we will cling ever closer to HIM!! so i give testimony to the fact that ANY ONE can continue to follow Christ and experience HIS peace and endurance in any trial. it isn't our strength but HIS!

by the way thank you ladies. i didnt' realize how cleansing it would feel to write all that down!

well i used to think so too but now i've learned that he definately does give us more than we can handle. so many times i have heard " you are so strong, i could never have made it through all that." well i'm here to tell you i am no stronger than you or anyone else. but Jesus in me IS strong enough. I can not handle half of what i've been through. but with Christ i can endure! HE give me strenght. the verse that people usually quote to say God won't give us more than we can bear is not talking about trials. it is talking about temptation. He will not give us more than we can bear to with stand temptation to sin but he often gives us more than we can emotionally or physically handle so we will cling ever closer to HIM!! so i give testimony to the fact that ANY ONE can continue to follow Christ and experience HIS peace and endurance in any trial. it isn't our strength but HIS!

:praise::praise: You are right that God gives us trials in our lives so that we will grow closer to Him and rely on Him instead of ourselves or others. You have definitely been through a lot, but God has brought you to a place where you are relying on Him and that is His plan. Stay close to Him and He will give you strength. :hug::hug:

by the way thank you ladies. i didnt' realize how cleansing it would feel to write all that down!

I have found this too , sometimes it is just nice to "vent " , get it all out :laugh: