I had a very unhappy childhood .

We were a very distant family and very dysfuntional .
My mother had an anger problem so i lived in fear of her moods .
My parents argued constantly and for hours and as i was so sensitive i always took it hard .

Anyway for most of my childhood i was unhappy and from my mother temper issues and all the fighting i became very anxious , i worry about everything .

I have been to see a doctor and therapy but it has not helped , i also pray a lot .

Has anyone been able to get over bad past experiences and get on with life ??

Any advice ??

first and formost, God can take all that pain away. you really have to trust in Him and keep your eyes focused on Him.
secondly, forgiveness plays a HUGE part in letting go of your past and the hold that it has on your present.
you can give it all to Jesus, lay it at His feet!
forgive your parents and yourself. then just let it go. sounds easy right?
I had a difficult childhood as well. I chose to forgive those that hurt me in the past and move on. it was not easy, and sometimes it's a daily challenge. But it works. you just have to be diligent!!
i will pray for you!

I agree with CK that forgiveness plays a large part in being able to get over past hurts. I posted this on another link several months ago, but just in case you didn't see it, maybe it will help you. Praying for you!! :praying::praying::praying:

http://christianparentsforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2450&highlight=Seventy+times

Lauren, you've just described my childhood. I lived with a controlling mother who had severe anger issues. I was witness to her physically and verbally abusing my step-brother from age 2 on up and she was almost just as abusive to my step-dad. Everyone in the house lived every day wondering what was going to set her off. I started to hate my mother for what she was doing. I also later developed some anger towards my step-dad because he never spoke up and stopped her and I knew if he would've been a true man my mother wouldn't have acted out as she has for so long.

As I've grown up I've come to learn many things the Lord has taught me. First I realized that her anger wasn't there because she was mad but because she was so deeply scared and hurting inside that this was her only way of protection. They have to control or they don't feel safe. I also allowed myself to forgive myself for not protecting my brother more than I did. I had to realize that it wasn't my fault it was my mom and step-dad's responsibility to be good parents and they will answer to God for their behavior so there is nothing I need to do to administer the justice I felt they deserved. God says that that part is His to deal with. Realizing that helped a lot with me letting things go.

The other part is, like others have mentioned, you are just going to have to make the choice to let it go! I remember after I moved out of the house I would still get this overwhelming fear inside of me when my mom would call. The same fear I remember feeling when I lived with her. I had to realize that I was still giving her control over my life, my emotions and who I was as a person. In a sense you are still in bondage, allowing your mother to have the same effects on you as an adult as she did as a child. Only you can break that bondage and only Christ can do this for you...Forgiveness is a wonderful place to start.

I can't say that today I have totally forgiven my mom. We do have a relationship that is way better than we ever had but it takes time and work to get to the place you want to be and you may never get to that perfect place but its ok!

I will say (I know I'm babbling but things just keep coming to mind) that I did tell everything to my mom. I wrote her a 9 page letter and said everything to her I ever wanted to say. I cannot tell you how liberating that was. I was kind but I was also very straightforward. It hurt her a lot, which I knew it would, but I had to get those things out. I was not treating her the way Christ wanted me to because those things were still kept secret in my heart. I think it benefited our relationship because she knows now exactly what her limits are with me and now I have nothing left to hide. Satan loves secrets.

I'm really sorry you have had to deal with something so awful and I will be praying for you but remember it is true that our parents have a lot of control over us as children but now, as an adult, the life you lead is ENTIRELY your choice. I'm always here if you need to talk. Blessings!

Thank you for the link :thumbs:

In a way i have forgiven her to a point but i do need to work more on it and pray like it says in the link posted .

The problem is that i developed a lot of anxiety problems in my childhood and they followed me in to my adulthood .

I cant seem to get rid of this problem .

first and formost, God can take all that pain away. you really have to trust in Him and keep your eyes focused on Him.
secondly, forgiveness plays a HUGE part in letting go of your past and the hold that it has on your present.
you can give it all to Jesus, lay it at His feet!
forgive your parents and yourself. then just let it go. sounds easy right?


:yeahthat:

Praying for you!

first and formost, God can take all that pain away. you really have to trust in Him and keep your eyes focused on Him.
secondly, forgiveness plays a HUGE part in letting go of your past and the hold that it has on your present.
you can give it all to Jesus, lay it at His feet!
forgive your parents and yourself. then just let it go. sounds easy right?
I had a difficult childhood as well. I chose to forgive those that hurt me in the past and move on. it was not easy, and sometimes it's a daily challenge. But it works. you just have to be diligent!!
i will pray for you!

I agree! Remember you can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength

Hi Lauren,

Thanks for your sharing and contributing to the forums. I'm new here but hope to share what I can.

About worrying and anxiety, there are a number of different ways to begin dealing with it. I'd like to share some ideas with you:

1. Anxiety is usually about fearing the unknown. Sometimes I ask myself, is this anything I can DO anything about (i.e. am I responsible or in control of it?) - then it's a problemm solving situation. If there's nothing I can do (i.e. it's beyond my control, or too many external factors) - then it's an anxiety management situation, which would include releasing to God and taking care of myself.

2. Anxiety is a normal human experience. It is normal to occasionally worry or be anxious about situations (e.g. new situations). But when we get overwhelmed frequently or randomly, it can become interfering with our life and relationships. By talking with others, we can get a sense if our worry/anxiety is reasonable. (e.g. new parent anxiety)

3. Anxiety affects us in the body as well as the mind. When we can't pinpoint what we're worried about (e.g. racing thoughts), it can be helpful to deal with physical anxiety. There are some strategies to help reduce physical symptoms. Two excellent strategies are slow deep breathing, and muscle relaxation (we tend to get tense when worried). There are other relaxation techniques online that can help.

4. Other coping strategies include doing things that help you feel secure and comforted. That could include praying, singing, listening to music, reading, meditating on Scripture etc. etc. Anxiety and worry is about the feared unknown, so by doing something you know and have experienced peace with, you can manage the intensity of the anxiety.

Sorry to be long winded, but I hope some of these ideas can assist you with the anxiety part. If your doctor and/or therapist weren't helpful, perhaps someone else can be... a good "fit" between therapist and client is really important.

Blessings for peace in your heart...:praying:

Hi Lauren,

Thanks for your sharing and contributing to the forums. I'm new here but hope to share what I can.

About worrying and anxiety, there are a number of different ways to begin dealing with it. I'd like to share some ideas with you:

1. Anxiety is usually about fearing the unknown. Sometimes I ask myself, is this anything I can DO anything about (i.e. am I responsible or in control of it?) - then it's a problemm solving situation. If there's nothing I can do (i.e. it's beyond my control, or too many external factors) - then it's an anxiety management situation, which would include releasing to God and taking care of myself.

2. Anxiety is a normal human experience. It is normal to occasionally worry or be anxious about situations (e.g. new situations). But when we get overwhelmed frequently or randomly, it can become interfering with our life and relationships. By talking with others, we can get a sense if our worry/anxiety is reasonable. (e.g. new parent anxiety)

3. Anxiety affects us in the body as well as the mind. When we can't pinpoint what we're worried about (e.g. racing thoughts), it can be helpful to deal with physical anxiety. There are some strategies to help reduce physical symptoms. Two excellent strategies are slow deep breathing, and muscle relaxation (we tend to get tense when worried). There are other relaxation techniques online that can help.

4. Other coping strategies include doing things that help you feel secure and comforted. That could include praying, singing, listening to music, reading, meditating on Scripture etc. etc. Anxiety and worry is about the feared unknown, so by doing something you know and have experienced peace with, you can manage the intensity of the anxiety.

Sorry to be long winded, but I hope some of these ideas can assist you with the anxiety part. If your doctor and/or therapist weren't helpful, perhaps someone else can be... a good "fit" between therapist and client is really important.

Blessings for peace in your heart...:praying:


Thank you , everything you said is excatly how i feel .
I fear the unknown .
For exsample . I walk to the store in the morning and i dread it , i worry about what people think , if they are looking at what i am buying etc ..

I have my Montessori follow up class tomorrow night and i am already worrying about it because i dont know what will happen, and i think the tutor thinks my work is not good enough and that my project is not good enough .I will not relax until it is over .

I wish i could just get over it but i feel weak and not good enough .I never think i will be good enough at anything .

I feel like a failure at everything i try and i get so anxious about it as i think everyone has an opinion .I tell myself not to care and only worry what God sees .

Sorry for the rant just needed to vent .

Anyway i have a book coming from Amazon called Fearless so i hope this will help .

Thank you , everything you said is excatly how i feel .
I fear the unknown .
For exsample . I walk to the store in the morning and i dread it , i worry about what people think , if they are looking at what i am buying etc ..

I have my Montessori follow up class tomorrow night and i am already worrying about it because i dont know what will happen, and i think the tutor thinks my work is not good enough and that my project is not good enough .I will not relax until it is over .

I wish i could just get over it but i feel weak and not good enough .I never think i will be good enough at anything .

I feel like a failure at everything i try and i get so anxious about it as i think everyone has an opinion .I tell myself not to care and only worry what God sees .

Sorry for the rant just needed to vent .

Anyway i have a book coming from Amazon called Fearless so i hope this will help .

Lauren,
I am sorry you are struggling so much!
I prayed for you...:hug::praying:

I am in the middle of a really good book....The Source of my Strength by Charles Stanley. It is really good and I am getting allot out of it. It goes through topics like ...Words of healing and comfort for those that are lonely...full of fear,....... past/present abuse.......,feeling inferior.... weight of guilt...frustrated...burned out... persecuted......

those are the chapters.

maybe you can look into it after you read fearless.....I really like both Charles Stanley and Max Lucado! I want to get fearless also!

blessing to you Lauren

Lauren,
I am sorry you are struggling so much!
I prayed for you...:hug::praying:

I am in the middle of a really good book....The Source of my Strength by Charles Stanley. It is really good and I am getting allot out of it. It goes through topics like ...Words of healing and comfort for those that are lonely...full of fear,....... past/present abuse.......,feeling inferior.... weight of guilt...frustrated...burned out... persecuted......

those are the chapters.

maybe you can look into it after you read fearless.....I really like both Charles Stanley and Max Lucado! I want to get fearless also!

blessing to you Lauren

Thank you :)

Thank you :)

:hug::hug:

Here are some verses which you probably know that has help me when fear has raised up:

1 Chronicles 28:20
David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.
(NIV)

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?
(NKJV)

Psalm 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?
(NIV)

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
(NIV)

Isaiah 41:13
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
(NIV)

Isaiah 54:4
Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.

:hug::hug:

Here are some verses which you probably know that has help me when fear has raised up:

1 Chronicles 28:20
David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.
(NIV)

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?
(NKJV)

Psalm 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?
(NIV)

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
(NIV)

Isaiah 41:13
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
(NIV)

Isaiah 54:4
Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.

Thank you pheobe , that really lifted me :)
I must say my anxiety problems have improved since i read the book Fearless .I am getting there day by day .Your words of encouragment are such a blessing to me :hug:

Fear is so horrible it can stop us from doing so many things. This is why the bibles mentions it so much.

The enemy knows he we are afraid we won't do.